Using your loaf

On my last job today, speaking to an acquaintance, he mentioned that he and his partner were going off on a cruise which took in, among other ports of call, Lisbon. It's their first cruise and to make it special he has ordered 'extra's' for his partner on a daily basis, champagne in bed, etc, sighhhhh. So it set me to thinking of warmer climes and time spent living in Portugal and I had a look through a few photographs. This one reminded me of something.
I had decided to start walking, daily, along a coastal path which had cars passing fairly frequently and depending on the time of day a number of walkers, too.
Houses petered out then there was an area of bushes, then just dunes, to the right, rocks and the sea to the left.
As I approached the bushy area one bright sunny morning, a guy suddenly walked out from behind a bush and exposed himself. To be honest, I didn't really look at the 'himself' bit, it was the lascivious look on his face which was scary!
I stood there shocked by the occurence more than anything. Then the man disappeared back into the bushes. I looked around me and saw two guys a little way behind and I asked if they spoke English. I explained what had happened and they said 'Ignore it!'
I asked if the guy exposed himself to THEM. "No, of course not!"
Ignore's all very easy for them to say.
I gave the walk a miss for a couple of days.
Naturally, on my next walk, I was wary as I approached the bush area. I could hear my heart beating in my ears as I stared ahead at the offending bush!
Before I even reached THAT bush the guy jumped out from another bush! I was so angry with him ... a little way off, across the road was a guy getting into his car. Pointing at the flasher but turning toward the car I yelled something or other but both the flasher and the driver ignored me. The flasher smiled and disappeared.
I thought something should be done so went down to the local police station, a small office in the town.
I explained to the policeman what had happened and described the guy, best I could.
"How tall was he?"
I stepped back to get the measure of the policeman, for comparison purposes and promptly fell out of the police station - maybe he didn't take me seriously?
The interview concluded with the policeman telling me to walk somewhere else.
Well, I'm a bit of a rottweiler at times and decided this was my walk and the flasher wasn't going to put me off it.
Gave it a few days again and off I went.
Approaching bushy area, now with my eye on TWO potential hiding places for the guy, of course he jumped out from behind a third bush.
This time I yelled at him: "Put that thing away, I don't want to see it."
Which he probably didn't understand. Well, he probably did, after all if I was red in the face with annoyance and shouting and not running toward him, I suspect he might have realised I wasn't asking for a closer view.
He disappeared and a couple of minutes later a police car drove by which I flagged down and explained what had happened.
They stopped near the bushes, looked out of the car window and drove on.
I decided to use my loaf.
Next morning I stopped my walk SHORT of the bushes and with a piece of chalk wrote on the pavement:
"Beware, man with penis in hand 100m ahead."
'Flasher' wasn't in my Portuguese dictionary.
I bought a bike and peddled like fury past the bushes in future.
A Portugese loaf