Rush, Rush, Dash, Dash

North Lincolnshire's Federation of Women's Institutes Vice Chairman (left) June Laughton, Louth Mayor, Coun Eileen Ballard and Chairman of the NLFWI, Jackie Cheetham displayng decorated hats at the exhibition to celebrate 90 years of the WI in England.

Stop the treadmill I wanna get off!
Up early this morning to take a friend to Doncaster, we left early to avoid traffic and found ourselves on deserted roads! I never realised that the Robin Hood Airport was so close to Louth and have had a quick look at the places one can fly to from there, which includes Lapland! Hey, I can go see Santa!
We arrived back 1ish and I did some zapping of emails and sorting of this and that, procrastinating because I should really have been invoicing (sorry it's late, ed!) After about 5 hrs of that my eyes were fuzzy and it was now 8pm so I popped off to a job at the Louth Playgoers Riverhead Theatre where the North Lincs Federation of Women's Institutes were holding an exhibition, Lincolnshire's Green and Pleasant Land celebrating 90 years of the The National Federation of Women's Institutes Did you know, it's largest national organisation for women in the UK with 215,000 members in England, Wales and the Islands???? You do now!!! Hey, I just looked on the site and they have holidays to see the Christmas Lights in Vancouver, to Spain and all over the place and a list of apartments, cottages and villas in Europe and the US. Hmmm, maybe I'll sign up!
You quilting gals would be well pleased with it!
There were a few 'chains' there ... District Council officials and lots of North Lincs past presidents so I popped off a few shots.
They were holding a cheese and wine reception and since all I'd eaten all day was a packet of caramel popcorn around 4pm I was very happy to accept their offer to fill a plate.
However, I was THEN going swimming (9pm) and didn't want to sink, so I was abstemious for me.
Zoomed off then to the pool and managed a quick 20 lengths in 15 mins, going like the clappers!
Now working, captioning the pix.
Jobs in the morning and then zooming 138 miles to Great Bardfield in North Essex to see a murder myster play, ... whoooooooooooo dunnit! I might be roped in to take photographs and to carry plates of sausage rolls (NOT! Peter!) and if that's all there is I'll have to get me a meal cos I'm disappearing again! The venue is a converted barn High Barn They've got Ralph McTell appearing soon! Thennn, zooming back for work in the afternoon.
Whoosh Whoosh

Just call me Michael Fish!

Got the weather seriously wrong, didn't I??? Well, one June 29th in 27 years that isn't sunny isn't too bad - and it MUST have been sunny somewhere in the world, just not in my little one. It's been mentioned that without having to trawl through previous posts, it's impossible to tell whether further, and amusing, comments have been added. At the moment there's only four weeks' worth of writings but say, 47 years down the line, (hmmm, if I live to 101) there could be a whole mess of words here - thank you --- those who think there already is! :) Comments under the Ostrich burger pix are still coming in ... runa, who lives in India, gave us an insight into cuisine in her part of the world and under my garden pic she tells us she's got awnings over hers. I've put a link on at the side for her website. My 'jammies' are still causing comment, as is the string about which side of the bed to sleep, or which end, come to that! And I've given the definitive definition (can I say that?) of a pikelet. I've got a book called Great British Cooking - A Well Kept Secret by Jane Garmey which has the likes of Priddy Oggy, Pan Haggerty, Pease Pudding, Potted Beef .. yes, there are other things that don't begin with P, of course! There's Faggots! I was listening to a radio programme a while back ... in the days before the ratbag stole my aerial off my car, which hasn't yet been replaced and I'm stuck with Radio 2 permanently ... there was a group of foodies in Italy tasting the delights of various sausages, salami, I mean and they went into raptures over these and the faggots, describing them as tasting like pate, but more solid. So, in Lakings (prize winning Louth Butchers!) while buying an egg custard tart ... fattening and delicious and IMO the best in town, I thought I'd buy a faggot too. Hey, they're good!! Apparently we can't produce/sell similar tasting salamis because hygiene rules here wouldn't allow sale of sausages that have been hung in a simple brick walled building. It would have had to have been tiled and domestos'd 4 times a day. I wonder why? Isn't Italy in Europe? Some bright spark must know. Note to self: read the papers Julie, don't just look at the pictures! The measurements are all adapted for American cooks and I don't have my 'cups' anymore but I suppose a trawl of Dragonfly Kitchen or Chile Peppers might come up with something. I went to take a picture at an Orthodox Church service today Antiochian-Orthodox (click on it!) and arriving late it was already in progress (me? late? ... again?). It was so interesting so I stayed for the duration. You have to be pretty robust, there's lots of standing and even prostration - but the floor wasn't carpeted so people just touched it. The people who took Communion had been fasting for a couple of days because the service was for special Saints' days - Peter and Paul .. my tummy was rumbling after only a cuppa for breakfast but I did get a piece of bread at the end of the service because nothing is wasted. The fast is actually a vegan diet so it's not like just water. Couldn't even have chips in Lincs though if they're fried in beef dripping! Managed to get my job times mixed up yesterday and arrived too late to photograph the ribbon cutting at Alford's Memorial Park but made it to the reception for a spot of lunch and chatted with the Vice Chair of Lincolnshire County Coucil and the Chairman of the District Council. Pleasant time. See what's happening in Mablethorpe. Hey, then I went to see Dave and Jan Fenton who (with others) are organising the Mablethorpe Marathon! It's to be run on September 10, 2006 (note NEXT year). The first Lincolnshire full marathon, I understand. So all you peeps who like to get your running shoes on sign up and come on over to see the lovely East Coast as you dash past! Hmm, how about a pyknyk party at the same time? I was going to give you the link but I can't get it to work ... next time! OK, I can't procrastinate any longer ... must do my invoicing!

Want a sunny day guaranteed?

Dat's my boyyyyyyy .... and my girlllllllll. The picture is a couple of years' old, almost, but they're still my babies!!! Sorry, developed 'big gap syndrome' again!!! I tried to correct but it just doesn't want to play!

Beautiful day today, my computer told me it was hot, I mean the weather was hot, i.e. 23 deg and I determined to get the ironing done outdoors in the bikini but I got stuck into opening my mail for the last two weeks and a few more admin jobs when I realised I had a job at 1pm and had to whizzzz out to it. I managed to snatch 40 mins getting the sun on my back and the laundry is now wonderfully fresh, ironed and crisp. Had another job at 4 so jumped in the bath and dashed around there.
Well, since the sun was still shining I decided to take in a few more rays, chatted with anna at the back, taking my mobile and the landline handset out with me, trotted back indoor and saw my mobile there again. Trotted outdoors and there's my mobile AGAIN! Erk, what I done?
Back indoors, picked up the mobile, outdoors picked up yet another mobile, identical and realised I'd purloined someone else's phone!
I went to the gallery to see if I could find a picture of the person ... well, I take pix of myself occasionally to send to friends, if I'm doing something stupid!!! Hmm, decided it HAD to be a guy's phone ;) .... lots of pix called 'Babe' LOL. But none of anyone I recognised. So, tried the contact list to attempt to find where I'd pinched it from and figured I'd picked it up at the last job. Went thro the contact list and tried to call the company I'd visited on it. Engaged. Found 'Mum' ... engaged .. I figured maybe the person who'd lost their phone was calling their mum to tell 'em! Looked again .. 'Dad Work' ... engaged .... 'Nanna' engaged.
Then it occured to me that the loss might have been noted and the phone blocked. So used my own, got through to the last job and sure enough that's where I'd picked it up but its loss hadn't been noticed. The young guy it belonged to came to collect it (I did get dressed before he arrived!) and he looked tebbly embarrassed.
Should have been me who was embarrassed. I mean, fancy pinching someone's mobby??
Anyway ... Since 1978, barring one day alone, June 29th has been a beautifully sunny day.
Have I been looking at statistics??
Nope ... it was the day my son was born (also sunny). So if you're organising a barbie, make it June 29th.
OH, of course, you'll have to be where I am, cos that's where it's sunny!
And if you've made sense of this post ... jolly well done!
Oh yes, my bubble got burst today!
blub blub blub .... Some guy on a dating site sent me a message about the picture down below of me in my stripey pants ... "those trousers look bloody awful ... change your pictures"
Some people can be a little too confrontational!!!!
Yes, he's been de-listed from 'friends'!!
Yes, I did refuse to date him a few months ago.
I can change my trousers ... it'd cost him a helluva lot more to change his face!
Julie you bitch! Hah! Don't care!

They had me working on the CHAIN gang! Louth Mayor, centre, Coun Eileen Ballard with Mayors, Mayoresses, deputies and councillors from surrounding towns at the annual Civic Parade 

Better late than never! Youngsters from Eastwold School dance around the MAYpole at the Legbourne Village Fete. 

If you've ever been annoyed at being stuck behind a tractor you'd have been glad NOT to be in Louth today when 45 tractors rallied for a 10 miles drive. Now THIS is what I call togetherness! Mike and Felicity Berry on their 1967 Eicher Puma 

Go on gal, toss that sack! Legbourne Village Fete had a humdinger of a day with fun for all! 

The front patch. I love the smell of phyladelphus (mock orange) and the centre one is double bloomed. Norfolk lavender in the fore front, some gladioli coming up, geraniums, hebe, petunias, angelica, jacobs ladder, some fuschias, rosemary, virginia creeper, etc! 

Remember the containers I planted 3 or so weeks ago? (maybe four?) they're now in bloom. There are a couple of types of petunia, begonia, marigold, lobelia, geranium and a miniature trailing tomato plant in each of the hanging baskets. Various herbs there, too - lemon balm, sage, oregano, basil, coriander (salsa), thyme and winter savoury (delish in soups) Hmm, there's one of last year's fuschias struggling there somewhere, too! 

I was asked if I have a garden. I havea back yard and a front postage stamp! These three tomato plants were given to me a couple of weeks ago and have their second truss of flowers and even one tiny green tomato. 

Shoved the camera into a bystander's hands this morning while I was wating for the Civic Parade through the town. The 'Civics' were bedecked in 'posh' and chains and grinned broadly seeing me in what looks like my jammies! I was dressed for the weather, which was brill! 

After the storm

Naked motorcyclist, healthy children, world record-breaking brownies and photographing at the edge of the catwalk were today’s jobs. The motorcyclist was the last of the calendar pictures. Hopefully it will go on sale in September … perfect Xmas pressies folks … get yer dosh out! I suggested that Guy, the 'model', might like to hold a crash helmet to hide his blushes but noticing it was covered in dead flies I went off to look for something to clean it. Needn’t have bothered, by the time I was walking back he was giving it a good wipe over with his dressing gown – such a boy! With rain clouds gathering I hied me off to Alford Primary School 13 miles away to photograph the presentation of a GOLD Healthy Schools Award. The school earned the basic award three years ago and have gone from good to best! The school works to promote healthy lifestyles, physical activity (they’ve got some great playground games), personal social and healthy education, citizenship, emotional well-being and a safe and pleasant environment. It’s a school with around 400 pupils and it was an absolute delight to be there. They sang their little hearts out during the assembly and, sitting on a bench at the side, as the kiddies filed out they were just wreathed in smiles. They gave me little waves and grins as they filed past, I felt like ‘da Queen’! Walking past an open classroom door as I left, a little boy called to me: “Bye bye!!” The 6th Louth Brownies helped break the Guinness Book of Records Sleepover Record which was sponsored by BT this year. They were the only group of individuals in the area which took part and they had a fish and chip supper at Mr Chips and then slept in the scout hut. Actually that bit’s probably a fib because when I asked if they slept well they told me they didn’t sleep AT ALL! Bet the Brownie Leaders had a great night! The day finished with a fashion show held at Lincoln Cathedral. Some beautiful hats and clothes were feature and I got to climb into the pulpit to take pix … nah, didn’t give a sermon. Hell am I going to be the first one to cast stones? Not blooming likely! The Sub Dean asked if I wanted a picture. Not sure if he wasn’t going to give me one or whether I was to take one! Oh yes, the weather broke and it’s cooled down a little, all the dead flies have been washed off my car that’ll save going through the car wash that entraps me and I’ll be able to pop some more plants in the garden tomorrow since the soil will be friable.

Fashion show held in Lincoln Cathedral.

Jules' Lincolnshire Show

Ladies at the Lincolnshire Show. We DO like our brollies - come sunshine, come rain!

I visited the Lincolnshire Show today and my word was it hot! OK, I did arrive around noon but I was oiled up against burn and wearing an oversize golf visor for a bit of shade and quite honestly, three hours was enough for me.
There must have been over 400 exhibit stands. I was too mean to buy a £3 ($5?) brochure for such a short visit but managed to find my way to the Lincolnshire Life magazine stand, which probably only took ten minutes but was grateful for cool water to quaff when I got there!
I decided not to lug the whole camera kit around, too, too heavy, so filled my shorts pockets with spare batteries, pad and pen, some pennies in case I found something I fancied – ahhhh, which reminds me I bought some ‘Scottish tablet’, which is like a hard fudge and I’m just going to see if I can find it to nibble on, cos I’d forgotten about that until you reminded me! Mmmmmm, yummy!
It was actually difficult, despite there being thousands of people there, to take 8 interesting photographs! Doesn’t that sound silly? It’s not because people were being obstructive but for the most part they were either eating, or in the exhibition tents or just simply sitting. There was an equestrian event going on so I meandered around the main ring and tried to vary the photograph content.
Back at the mag’s site, later, their ‘official’ photographer meandered up and I was sooo glad to hear him say, in response to 'had he got lots of good photographs', that he’d found it really difficult to get half a dozen good ones!
Phewweeee, what a relief!
Of all the thousands of people there – and I was 25 miles off my ‘patch’ - one of the interesting groups, just from a distance turned out to have among its number the single guy I’d been placed next to at the Lion’s Dinner Dance, a couple of months back.
He stared at me and said; “I know you, oh yes I slept with you.”
That was his idea of wit.
Hell, the guy didn’t even ask for a dance let alone anything else!
Well, you don’t really say things like that to Pyk and get away with it.
My response?
“Hmmm, I don’t recognise you …. I must have kept the bag on your head!”
The guy rather fancied himself but the retort made his friends laugh so he just taunted more, when I started asking names to place with the photograph. He asked if I wanted telephone numbers, too, because he wasn’t going to give it. I told him to rest assured I didn’t want it!
I wonder what on earth I did to his ego simply sitting next to him at dinner that he felt he had to speak so?
Thirsty, I queued for a drink of freshly squeezed orange juice. The young man in front of me, aged about 17, I’d guess, wanted a bottle of orange … which sold for £2.50. (exorbitant prices!) but the lady explained there were no bottles left, only cups (£1.30). The boy said he wanted a bottle. Again, NO bottles, only cups. So he asked how much he’d have to pay for a two cups when he really wanted a bottle!
The lady became quite agitated and told the young man that if he didn’t want a drink …. And looked to serve me. I piped up that I’d like a cup, of course and especially since that’s all there was on offer it seemed to make sense!
My, did I get a look from that boy! He decided I was queue jumping and no-one likes a queue jumper!!!!
Anyway, a funnier incident was a body language one.
Taking the picture above, I put my specs on top of my head but when the visor got in the way, I whipped it off, not realising I’d whipped my specs off, too, took a step back and mangled an arm of the glasses! Damn, I only put in an insurance claim for specs this time last year! I didn’t want the insurance company to think it was going to become an annual event just to get a more fashionable pair!
There was such a variety of businesses at the show I decided there just HAD to be an optician!
I didn’t have a programme, did I? So I waylaid someone and having read 372 company names finally came to an optician! Yeahh.
Despite the map and orderliness on paper, it was a labyrinth to walk through but I finally found the optical place.
A guy and his gal were looking to buy sunspecs and while I waited for the optician to be summoned from elsewhere (he had absolutely STUNNINGLY white teeth, by the way) I watched the couple buy one pair of specs for the lady and then hmmm and ahhh about a pair for the guy.
He was a well set man, fashionable in the latest ‘inside out’ raggy look t-shirt.
After the optician had fixed my specs (thank you Lord!) The t-shirt man started haggling over the second pair of sunglasses. The optician didn’t want to give a discount (by the way I had offered to pay or make a donation to something but he just gave me his beautiful white smile and wouldn’t hear of it!)
So the two guys were facing off, albeit nicely.
T-shirt man tried again, saying he’s paid cash for the first pair, could he have a discount off the second pair, then he finished off his sentence and made the most extraordinary motions (I thought) of grabbing his ‘lunchbox’ with his right hand and then cupping each of his breasts, briefly, with a little knees bend added!!!
I wonder if he was aware that he did that? I wonder if he does it often?
Maybe it was a Masonic sign .. he got the discount!
Oh yes, there were some lovely cows with nice curly coats and they were very very clean … but why do they have to tether them heads inwards so as you walk down the row all you see is their bottoms????

Lest we forget

Market stall in Louth's Cornmarket where an auction is held of local produce. The Target Office to the left is where I occasionally make an appearance!

Lest we forget what a sunny summer's day looks like when it's tiddling down with rain next week, this was today in Louth's Cornmarket.
We have market days on Wed, Fri and Saturday and a cattle market on a Thursday. I think it's the only cattle market in the county now.
Once a month there's a farmer's market where specialities can be bought such as Lincolnshire Poacher cheese and ostrich products ... I had an ostrich burger for lunch ... it was a toss up between that an an Appleby's ice cream and I went for the "low in fat, cholesterol and calories" option. Then I had strawberries and double cream when I got home! Hah!
I think I must have killed a few brain cells recently. I've been searching high and low for a small piece of additional equipment to upload a photograph from the office camera and I'll be blowed if I can find it. Is this the onset of senile dementia? Or just other things on my mind? I always put it in the same place but it just isn't there! arghghgh.
Having gathered more jobs than the diary suggested, I was in and out taking photographs today, like one of those little weather ladies one used to find. Remember? A man one side and a lady the other? They'd swing (excuse me?!) in and out?
It all made for a very sticky day.
Sat in a bikini at the front, as did 3 other female neighbours and a guy walking past whom we knew got a cricked neck ogling. He decided that ours is definitely THE street to live on. He very gentlemanly tipped his hat which he would have been wearing if it had been a less clement day and he obviously doesn't own a Panama (by the way, they were selling like hot cakes on the market!), by pointing a finger somewhere near his forehead. Hmm, I suppose he could have been making a totally different sign like 'mad women'??
Turned up to take a picture of a local celeb in his guise as John Shuttleworth, performing at the Playgoers Theatre, hoping I could catch one from the side as he began his show, as last year. He wasn't having any of it though and a suggestion was made that I go back at 9.30pm. I said I just wasn't that fussed and went swimming instead!
I arrived just in time for Aquarobics though and since I find it hard to not do anything, and sitting in the sauna or steam room didn't seem like a good idea, I joined in.
It was quite good fun spotty dogging (no jodie, not THAT kind of dogging) and grapevining but I think I was at a disadvantage. One, because of my height and two, the loss of weight. It's just not that easy to walk thro the water spotty dogging when it's up to yer chin and you've got little leggies and everyone was overtaking me!
It's the county show in Lincoln tomorrow and I have an exhibitor's pass to go take some pot shots. My ticket is purple. Nice colour. However when I passed through Lincoln on Monday the only signs I saw directing the public to car parks were for green and blue tickets. I can see I'm going to spend a lovely day on the ringroad tomorrow!
And YES, I DO have the pass, I haven't lost it yet. But there's always tomorrow!
The guys have looked at the pix for the Louth Hospital CAT Scanner Appeal charity calendar and decided there's just a tad too much pubes appearing in a couple. I've digitised todgers but the pubes have to go! I'm sure shaving 'em would have been easier!
There's a charity barbeque for the scanner, too, in August, to which I received an invitation. The last couple of years the weather has been marvellous for it. On those occasions though I've only been to take pictures for the paper. This year my invite's for the whole dang show. Bet it pours down!
OH, I posted a comment on the BBC site for Derby with my views on Romeo and Juliet, adding that I had written an 'alternative' review on my blog ... giving the URL ... and dang me, they've omitted it! Cheeky.
I rather thought the director might have liked to read it, particularly in view of the castigation of the modern production by one reporter.
I've made good by sending an email to the theatre asking 'em to pass it along to him. I really don't like to be thwarted. A problem is generally a challenge to Pyk!

Farmers Market day in Louth - Get yer ostrich burgers 'ere! 

Invigorating!

I’ve found that I don’t need two weeks holiday to feel invigorated .. in fact two weeks is far too long, the whole of the second week is spent thinking “I have to go back soon!”
I find little trips adventurous. OK, just driving on a motorway is adventurous for me … narrow it down a little, Julie … driving is adventurous!

Romeo and Juliet – a former date and I – no, we’re not Romeo and Juliet – went to see the play at the Derby Playhouse last night.
We’re just good friends!
Peter’s an amateur thespian (but good, dear!) and has had roles in Shakespeare’s plays (with butter and jam) and I think a traditionalist?
Last night’s play was anything but traditional!
There must have been at least 100 youngsters in the audience who are studying the play for their examinations and their delight echoed my own when the play starts … OY, hang on a minute .. if you’re going to see this (it runs until July 2) just stop reading now, will you??
OK it starts with a chuffing great gleaming, American style truck, horned ram’s head figurehead, lights glaring, horn blaring, smoke belching, engine thrumming and looking like something from a Kevin Costner movie (think The Postman/Waterworld)entering stage right.
WOW! I jumped up and down in my seat squeaking with excitement – I’m sure Shakespeare would have approved of such audience participation!
The alternative review. Highlights: Paris’s bum in his white jodhpur type trousers. The white rubber boots the Capulet clan wore, Romeo’s eyes, Mercutio’s satiny/pvc (?) trousers – sorry about the trouser theme - ;) The Nurse was soooo funny. Juliet - great voice, Lady C – epitome of an Edwardian lady (what?), Capulet – dead scary with his walking sticks – I’d have jumped over the moon if he’s said ‘jump’ brandishing them the way he did! Prince on his motorbike (I must have a thing about big engines?) Tybalt’s spooky bit on top of the truck. Sword fights .. Enough, Enough Jules!
Rubber duck, that truck! It was a multi-functional beast. A bath, a bed, a warground.
I know I knew the ending but it made me cry anyway.
Nice Bistro in there with ‘unlimited’ coffee. Nice ladies’ loos, too!
Did I enjoy?
I must get out more often!
Wonderful sense of freedom coming back today. I decided to re-route taking the M1/M18/M180 so I didn’t go through the centre of Nottingham (and get lost again) and managed a liaison – very proper! - with a friend (another ex-date) and I have to interject here that ex-date dates with no pressure are fun – for whom I had the germ of an idea for a book – co-authored???
Will Pyk one day hold a book-signing?

Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs!

Wherever did that saying come from, as one of suprise/amazement?
I was thinking about this as I awoke at 5am. I've decided I just don't need a great deal of sleep. I had an early night, for me, around midnight and awoke, refreshed, thinking it MUST be time to get up.
It was hot last night and I had a floor standing fan at the bottom of the bed. It occured to me that my legs were slightly chilled and my shoulders were warm. So I threw the pillow to the bottom of the bed and turned around. Then I lay there thinking whether this was 'normal'! I mean one is supposed to sleep with head at the bedhead, non? But there's no reason not to sleep at the bottom! It felt quite liberating in a strange way. Maybe I need to do a bit of Feng Shui in the bedroom? No, I don't think you find that in the Karma Sutra!
I've got a note in my diary for July 3, "WU. WU. AS" I wonder what it means?

Smelling the roses

The lady, Anne Marie, whom I visited this evening, had invited me to smell her roses. She has a lovely old farm house which she and her husband converted when they moved in 30 years ago and there's a beautiful one-acre garden which they planted from being a field. The roses are abundant, all colours and sizes, bushes and climbing.
We went around every bush in that garden and not ONE was smelling! We decided that they'd just given up the ghost with the heat we had today.
I drank home-made mulbery cordial. I thought mulberries grew on bushes (Nursery rhyme ... here we go round the mulberry bush, etc) but they were on a tree and a blooming great big tree at that!
Got some culture tomorrow! Going to see Romeo and Juliet at Derby Playhouse. Romeo and Juliet Reviews Apparently the reviewers either love it or hate it. There's a great big truck on stage. There's different!

The frock had it's day

Finished the frock on Friday after emergency alteration .. the basic pattern had a design fault. For shorties it was necessary to alter the paper pattern, taking it up 4 inches before cutting the fabric. Unfortunately, the rear slit was not lowered accordingly so when I tried the dress on downstairs and ran up to see what it looked like in the mirror, I thought there was a bit of a breeze. The mirror confirmed there was a very 'cheeky' rear view!
The party the frock went to was in a very pleasant garden setting. That I may have wobbled was due entirely (oh yeah?) to walking in high shoes on bumpy grass. Trouble was the champagne glass kept getting refilled. OK, I was the one that drank it.
Hot weekend, huh? I took in some sun around mid-day today ... well, I AM English! ... probably along with a few mad dogs, except I did remember to use sun block. Low factor but don't feel any the worse for wear.
I met a nice lady at the party and am going out to visit her shortly to see her garden.
I had an escort to the party. A third date, no less. But I'm a jinx. The first time he managed to concuss himself and needed stitches and this time a front crown fell out. Only other time I got to a third date I poisoned the poor chap, with mussels.
The saying is third time lucky but that's probably for people who aren't hexed or hexers!
Vinegar and brown paper mended Jack's broken crown, a dentist is necessary nowdays! I'm on a final warning with one of mine. Last time it fell out the ensuing gap felt like the Channel Tunnel. If it happens again it's a £3K screw in jobbie. I've friends who have had this type of dental work and though they swear by it afterwards at the time they say it's really painful ... the only good part being that they lose weight because they can't eat! I've already gone down three sizes. I'll need a pantechnican to carry away my over-sized clothes.
It's difficult parting with clothes, I find. I always think I'll put weight back on .. on the other hand I tend to be optimistic about losing it, too and have resurrected one or two items lain unused for a year or 3!
Enuf pondering. Off to see the lady's garden.

Crop circle near Burwell. It was very thoughtful of the 'aliens' to land close to a good viewpoint! 

Dispelling the myth of dating Pyk

OK this is the one Jodie was waiting for. I was receiving texts night and morning from a guy who was pleasant 'nuf but to whom I wasn't at all attracted as anything more than a potential friend. I could feel he was getting more serious and so I agreed to meet him...out of kindness... and we chose a midway point, at a pub. He wasn't at all attractive - don't yell at me - I'm allowed to have likes and dislikes in what I want to be seen out with and while we're on that subject, WHY don't some people just DO something with themselves before they put a photograph online? Y'know, comb their hair? Have a smile on their face? Sit upright? Not have the ex's arm in view around their neck and the rest of them cut off the picture?? Digressed, sorry. Soooo, I arrived at the pub and the guy, hmm, Mr Potter, we'll say, was standing at the bar. My first impression - he was a Mr Spock clone! He had a pointy blue ear! He was worse than his photograph and he had a poopy stain down his shirt! Turns out the ear was his mobile phone blue tooth or somesuch. The stain he apologised for, saying that he was just getting into the car and a bird pooped on him! Maybe this was an omen? Normally, when you step in poop, you say it brings good luck. Well, I suppose that's the optimist's way of looking at it, cos the day really can't get much worse if you've got a stinky shoe, can it? OK, I would have run back in and changed. He didn't So he bought me a drink (diet Coke) and we retired to a table to chat and order lunch. I was in an egg, ham and chips mood and so was he and two plates were ordered. Now, this is where I learned another dating lesson! We were sitting on a bench seat, side by side, talking. Y'know me, apart from with archaeologists I can talk for England about lotsa things (as long as were talking inanities!) so I was relaxed and my usual self. Then.... he put his hand on my thigh as I sant alongside him. (Lesson, don't sit alongside new date) Now, I suppose someone a bit more direct than I would have told him to remove the hand forthwith. But polite likkle Pyk, just moved her leg, twisting around, to avoid the contact. I was sitting holding my drink with one hand and the other resting on the table (also now twisted around). Next he grabbed hold of my free hand so I put down my drink, chatted a minute then picked up the drink with my grabbed hand! Put the drink down and clasped them together. Now sitting skewed with hands clasped I figured I was fine! THEN, he grabbed a hold of my head, pulling it toward his and whispered in my ear: "I can keep you occupied at least three times a day." Whoaaaaaa, head flew back so fast it almost ricocheted off the wall. Fortunately lunch arrived ... phew. I selected one ketchup sachet, tore off the corner and squeezed the contents into a small puddle on the side of the plate. HE followed suit, with 4 ketchups, 3 brown sauces and a mayonnaise dribbled all over the place. His meal looked like a Jackson Pollock piece of work!!!! Then he started eating it with his fingers. Ahem. Meal over and hoping to find a silver lining in the cloud, I suggested we just have a look around the town, which I hadn't visited before. Firstly we were to check on his dogs which were in his car, parked under a tree, it was a warm day. As we walked outside he grabbed hold of my hand again, which I promptly removed and used it to keep my bag on my shoulder. The pooches were something of a rare breed and when he opened the boot lid I had to stop myself from laughing cos he looked like his dogs ... they had the same sort of moustachey/beard! He gave them water which they lapped up eagerly and then stood looking at him with drippy wet whiskers! Dogs watered we ventured on a walk. He had a passion for reading the postcard advertisements in shops and at the first newsagents he became engrossed in the likes of 'dining room table and 4 chairs £40' and suchalike, while I nipped into the newsagents. I had a plan. It was a warm day so I bought a bottle of water and was now satisfied that I had one hand to grip my bag and with the bottle my other hand was now occupied so there'd be no handy holding! I bought a packet of Aspirin for good measure! As he entered the shop I popped a couple of pills and had a swig of water and rubbed my hand across my forehead and frowned a little. Headache? Just a bit. It was a small town and as we reached the end of the main street there was a shop selling home-made ices and I bought us each one. I ate mine as it came, he had 'hundreds and thousands' and squirty stuff on his - naturally. I ate mine delicately and when he ate, his tache was covered in dripping ice cream and he looked just like his dogs! We got back to the pub and I said my head was really thumping now and thanked him for lunch. He asked if we could meet again and I took out my diary and said I was very busy. Then, he lurched forward to kiss me, drippy ice creamy tache wibbling and I lurched backwards, jumped in my car, wound down the window and bid him goodbye and burned rubber! Never heard from him again! Another lesson, say your phone is on vibrate, take it out of your pocket and pretend to read an urgent message calling you away!!!! I wish I'd been told that one sooner!

No one told me I was a blimp!

Ahoy there me hearties!
Jodie, Alaska, mentioned pictures of the OWBB tribe and I nipped back to my MSN site to have a peek at the gals, remembering we grouped up for a photograph in San Antonio. Dang me, it's not there!
I did, however, see the Branson, Missouri photographs where y'all kindly gave me my beautiful pendant engraved with the piccie of me wiv my mummy. Well, it says it's me. It doesn't look like the me now! I was a blimp! No one told me that! Y'alls terribly polite!
By the way, I'm listening to The very best of Cubanismo at the moment - conjouring up some sunshine and rhythm, doncha know? If I could sambo or mamba ... I think that's the wrong way around - I'd be up and doing right now.
Truth of it is, I did try salsa lessons, with Bree, but I had to be the guy and though I got the hip movements for the first three or four steps, repeated over and over, when the twirl came I totally lost direction and the will to dance!
I was quite a good athelete at school ... Rimmer, show us your bends and stretches! Rimmer, show us your service! (pardon?), Rimmer, climb the rope, Rimmer, show us your bully off, Rimmer .... OK, but when it came to dancing.
"Rimmer, it's heel and toe and step and step, stupid girl!"
Hmmm, can't be good at everything!
Pa-in-law was a Mason and I dreaded the annual dinner dance so Ex and I (which we weren't then, of course, ex, I mean, cos we wouldn't have bothered doing it) took a beginners' course in ballroom dancing.
Oh I hated that, with a vehemence! A shudder goes down my spine whenever I hear that Tammy's in love song, the old bloody hooty owl one. That was the waltz. But, little rottweiler that I am, I stuck it through to the examination. The lady and gentlman instructor each took us as a partner and cussed my way around that floor!
I did get the badge but didn't dare go back for a further course cos I made the instructor blush with my expletives!
On the other hand, free expression .. that's my bag! When I was little (ok, young) I used to turn the radio up and dance around the kitchen, weaving in and out of the chairs and tables, slow and fast, singing along whether I knew the words or not... if I'd seen that film with Mickey Rooney where he runs up the walls I'd probably have done that too (ah Yankee Doodle Dandy?).
On the way home on rainy days I'd emulate Gene Kelly, stomping in the rain and then get told off for having wet socks. Can't think why it mattered, they got wet being washed later anyway!
Now I'm thinking back to a Christmas spent at The Breakers (click on it!) Palm Beach in Florida. Had me a posh frock on, bedecked in turquoise sequins. All the escapees from New York were there, the doyennes of society - in black. The waitress looked at me, taking our order and said: "Oh, turquoise, such a ... a change!"
Sitting close to the dance floor was an old gentleman wearing a full dress uniform, white ... like Richard Gere in that film .. someone'll tell me what it was called - no need, just remembered An Officer and a Gentleman ... the uniform looked like his, I mean, but with lots of scrambled egg on it. No, he hadn't spilled his dinner down himself - gold braid. He looked very smart but it was sad seeing him there alone.
At the next table was an aged lady, also alone. For her Christmas Eve dinner she was eating caviar. That's all, just caviar!
She had what appeared to be a silver globe on the table and every now and again she'd slide up the domed lid, take a tiny spoon and dip it into the caviar, tease the little fishy, popping bubbles into her mouth, put the spoon down and close the lid again.
Just observations.
Anyway, despite being an outcast in turquoise I danced the night away. Had one of those toilet problems again though!
I was wearing an opal ring that had belonged to an aunt, which my uncle gave me as a keepsake. It was very pretty but had lots of stones and I didn't want to ladder my tights so I took it off in the stall to pull me bits and pieces back up.
Back in the room a few hours later, showered and in a gown, I suddenly remembered the ring - I hadn't put it back on.
I rang down to the desk to see if anyone had handed in a ring. The housekeeper asked me to describe the ring and I thought it had a green stone at the top of it.
Ten mins later there was a knock on the room door and I answered in my gown - well, I was wearing it so I would, wouldn't I?
The concierge gave me a strange look.
'I have a ring, ma'am but it doesn't have a green stone, it has a red stone.'
'That's OK, it must have been a red one then!'
I put it on my finger to show him it was mine - like it was going to light up and genie would pop out and say "I belong to Julie," and it slipped around, cos it was too large.
He looked at me suspiciously and I blurted that it was my Auntie Barbara's ring, but it was mine now, because she was dead and other inanities, blathering on about leaving it in the loo, feeling guilty as if it was not MY ring. Well, he didn't know what a loo was anyway so I gave up.
When I looked in the mirror after his departure I realised my gown was revealing rather more than I might have hoped. I suppose that's why he didn't stay long to argue?
The following morning, going down to breakfast I followed a trail of turquoise sequins ... did I roll back from the festivities?
We walked into the town after breakfast. It was terribly hot coming back, my feet were swelling and almost being made into chips thanks to the strapped shoes I was wearing, my cotton dress had a polyester lining and I was sweating buckets in it.
I was turning my head every 2 minutes hoping for a taxi to come along while partner was marching his customary 10 paces ahead declaring HE had no problem with the heat.
Back at the hotel I was drenched and miserable and had one poxy tissue in my handbag trying to mop at myself.
I didn't dare walk through the hallowed front portals (do the virtual tour, above) and you'll see what I mean) so skipped around the back and managed to nip into an elevator just as the doors were about to close.
Aha, safe, I thought.
Not so, the doors opened again and a porter pushed one of those huge suitcase trollies in .. I think I'd jumped into the cargo flight! I smiled at him and made polite conversation, discreetly dabbing and my dampness, the while and he smiled back .. quite broadly in fact ... and got out a couple of floors up.
Doors closed again, a sigh of relief, turning around, I realised the back wall of the lift was mirrored and there, staring back at me was a very red faced, wet haired lady with bits of tissue stuck all over her face and neck like she'd just had a battle with a cut throat razor - and lost!

The dates that never could be

The guy who accidentally came across dogging, having stopped in a layby and had gone to check on the car with the light on, then in the back seat at the couple’s invitation but refused the invitation to take the front seat while the husband sat in the back, cos by then he was ‘worried’.

The guy who was wonderfully bouncy but then mentioned sub/dom stuff and funny cookies.

The guy who said driving 40 miles would put him in debt.

The tip of the iceberg!

Internet Dating

Terry, from Michigan, says she’s waiting for my blogs on ‘the mid life woman on the dating scene’. If I AM mid-life, that’s great, cos I’ll live to be 108! On the other hand, due to the dating scene, I’ll probably look 400 and have pulled my hair out with frustration. I really think I could only write these stories as ‘Anon’ and then you wouldn’t know where to find them unless I told ya and then you’d know it was I who wrote them. Duh! Maybe it’s a subect for a book under a pseudonym? Hmm , I think I can write the archaeologist one, from last summer. The guy and I had decided to meet up for a picnic at an abbey ruin, it was chosen as a more or less mid-way point but I had no idea how big the ruins. For the two days leading up to the date he hadn’t confirmed and I was wondering whether it was indeed going to come off and I’d left a text for him asking if it was still on. Cos I’m polite and a woman and that's the sort of thing we do. I think I need to read the Mars/Venus book. He eventually phoned the night before the date, explaining that the mobile was his mother’s so he hadn’t got the message and yes, he would indeed be there and would take some food. I asked if that was for one, or two and didn’t get a direct reply. We met in a pub, politely pecked hello and I bought coffee, chatting over which I realised the date was already on the downhill slide. However, since I’d also taken along some food, Lincolnshire delicacies and it was a lovely sunny day I decided to enjoy the food and weather, at least. The ruin was in a field, down a long country lane and close to some renovated farm buildings, now holiday homes for city escapees. There wasn’t a great deal left apart from a wall here and there (Julie, that’s why it’s called a ruin) and lots of molehills. I was given tuition in artefact finding. He, let’s call him ‘Archie’, explained how, when moles dig, their little hills can bring up items from deeper down, so we went around every single mole hill with him plunging his hands into each and coming up with splinters of bones (gnawed on and spat out by the monks, presumably) and a piece or two of clay pipe, a shard of pottery which he dated (hah, dated!) and other bits and pieces. Having exhausted molehills it was time to eat. Naturally, his hands were pretty grubby and he went to get a bottle of water from his car, for his hands I thought, but he poured the water on the artefacts to clean them off which, in turn, made his hands muddy, which he wiped on his jeans. Of course, little Miss Prissy here had Wet Ones in her little picnic pack – the way us girls do (I WAS a mum!) – and after spreading the picnic rug and each producing our offerings, I proffered the hand wipes. ‘No, thanks.’ His boxes were a battered tin and plastic box containing 4 slices of bread … the end of the loaf and stale looking, an avocado, a half eaten piece of pate and a couple of pieces of fruit. Mine was some Lincolnshire ham, chine (ham stuffed with a Lincs parsley recipe) and pork pie in their wrappings, having been just bought. Well, of course I would take something along for a picnic but when one person says, "I’ll take food," it intimates that’s an offer for both persons, don’t you think? And means the whole thing .. food, drink? Mine was just back up pack up. He chose the least tired and largest piece of bread, took the stone out of the avocado and dug into it, with the one knife he’d brought along, to spread onto his bread, topped off with pate. No offer of ‘go on gal, get stuck in’ or ‘here, for you’, which I was glad of, in the circumstances, since his hands were still muddy. I managed a piece of dry bread similarly stacked to Archie’s, washed down with one of the two bottles of water I had brought along in a cool pack, the only liquid refreshment on offer. Meal finished I ‘Wet Oned’, again, and we sat on the rug, chatting. No, it wasn’t chatting at all. Monotone, he told me about his exciting adventures as a camera guy in dangerous places and supply teaching and his back operation and I woke up to hear an offer to view his scar. Since it was his lower back, he rolled onto his stomach and invited me to peer down his waistband. I peeked at a faint pink line and commiserated. Maybe that was his opening for something a little more ‘personal’? I ignored it. I really couldn’t think of thing to say in which he would be interested (and you know how rare that is for me!) since his main interest was himself. I’d long realised I wasn’t interested in his favourite subject. I think maybe it showed? So we lay on the rug, looking at the sky and he pondered on what cat food to buy on the way home. The parting: I hate this bit. It usually ends with ‘Can we meet again?’ and invariably (bar one or two) I have to say that my diary is pretty full (true, unless I unfill it) but this one was different. “I suppose we could meet again?” “Hmm.” “You’re number five though and I’m still waiting for number four to get back from holiday and see if she wants to meet again and I've still got number six to see.” “Hmm.” I had a feeling that number four was going to stay on holiday a long, long time and thought of the fun number six had in store. Lesson learned? How to look through molehills.

Spot the intruder. 

Spot the intruder 

Who's saying what??? Care to caption this one?? 

Gardens visited today

Testing whether I can allow peeps to peek at an album. Garden Photos (Click on 'Garden Photos' to bring up the album in Yahoo Photos, a separate browser.) Finding this link I think I've also solved my problem about the links starting with a bullet on a new line. Yeah, yeah, it takes time and once you'd done it you (me) are (am) brill but it's a beggar wading through. Anyway, if this works, you can see some pix of gardens I visited today. I must have been drawn to water features .. maybe it's the Aquarius in me. Let's see!!!! (how exciting!) Yayyyyyy, that seems to have worked! This way I don't have to have a page as long as your arm if there are lots of photographs to view. Phew, guess who's grinning now? So, cake .... I succumbed. At The Cottage, a garden loved and cared for by Bob Lightsey and Neville Edwards, there were some delish looking cakes including a Cinnamon Swirl, which Bob had baked ... I suspect he had a hand in the bright pink strawberry cake but there was also pecan and chocolate cake as well as scones! The guys' garden was really appealing with little nooks and crannies, a shaded area, which in their garden flourished, a garden hut (like a beach hut) with decking in front with comfy chairs and overlooking a pond. They certainly know how to recycle, too ... see the 'garden' made out of an old washing machine. In my garden it would be a heap of metal. In theirs it's a sight to behold! Well, it just didn't seem right to have a cup of tea and not sample Bob's baking! The gardens in Sutton were open for charity, under the National Gardens Association scheme. Marigold Cottage garden tended by Stephanie Lee and and her mother, Betty, is in the Daily Telegraph Good Gardens Guide for 2005. Stephanie is a consultant in garden design and I'd say she knows what she's doing! The Driftwood garden pictures, the 75 year old Phyl Shaw said she wasn't happy opening her garden since it wasn't up to last year's standard - due to the weather and she hadn't yet planted her borders properly. See the border picture? If that's not proper I'll eat my hat. Owners of the Moorhen garden, Philip and Michele Hurst, had a Monet type bridge (cept in metal) over their pond which was filled with koi and even had a sturgeon lurking at the bottom and looking at the fish that was the best place for it! Once again, a very pretty summerhouse. Next time I'm asked if I know of any gardens for a magazine feature, I can say YES!!!!

Let her eat cake

I can't seem to get away from cake! I'll have to be strict about refusing offers of 'a slice of cake?' today on my round of fayres. At yesterday's Louth Branch Conservative coffee morning, attended by Lady Gabrielle Tapsell, our MP's wife, she was standing by when a gentleman asked if I'd like a nice piece of very chocolatey cake, adding that I Iooked a chocolate cake girl. The girl bit was nice! That he even spoke to me was better still because I'm now forgiven for the photograph I took of him two years ago, when standing for the local council elections and my camera was trained on him when the result was announced and he had failed to gain the ward. After the picture appeared in the paper he was not a happy bunny and told me so in the street but yesterday said it was right at the time - and since then I've taken smiley pix of him so all is well. Anyway, the cake didn't emerge because we got cracking with the photograph, which ended with my taking a bow after a vote of thanks from Lady G for making them laugh. My balancing on chairs to be taller always seems to make people smile. It certainly raised a few smiles the day I wore a skirt and stockings! The then Mayor and another chap kindly shielded my dignity as I climbed onto the chair, with their open jackets, averting their eyes. However, they all stood back grinning when it was time for me to descend, waiting to see what would happen - I jumped off the chair like a kid off the high diving board and fortuntely didn't bomb! One of the reasons I almost always wear trousers now! Ahh, so, cake. As I was leaving Lady Gabrielle approached me - with a WHOLE cake! She'd remembered I hadn't eaten a slice with my coffee, after all, and bought a whole Victoria Sponge off the cake stall, for me to take home! There's a town parade today celebrating the end of the WWII and townspeople have been exhorted to put out the bunting and flags. I came across my Union Flag yesterday and wondered if I should fly it somewhere - or maybe just wrap it around me and hope I don't look like a revolutionary? I made good headway on the sewing yesterday (hope I won't be needing to let the seams out with all the cake!) but I'm sure eyes of needles are getting smaller. Maybe I need an optician visit? I had to use a magnifying glass to find the hole. I did then realise that Victoria was the last person to use the machine and had been using a fine fabric, thus a fine needle and my vanity was assuaged when I found I could manage to thread the needle without magnifying aid. Daughter, Victoria and her husband, Danny, are hoping to close on a house purchase on Wednesday, for a property in Alaska. It's a big wooden house; looks a little like a chapel and has a few acres with it. Goodee ... maybe I can 'pop' over for a holiday now! Sorry, Tora ... into each life a little rain must fall ;) Jodie ... we may yet get to meet again but a cookie will be fine with coffee, I'm all caked out!

Cool Dude: Louth Mayor, Coun Eileen Ballard wearing her shades for Shades Day on June 21 - Guidedogs is hoping that people all over the UK will be wearing their shades as part of an eyecare in the sun campaign and hopefully making a donation to Guidedogs, too. Since June 21st is the longest day at least is will be light for a long time even if we see no sun! 

Canny Lass?

Thought I'd dodge the traffic queues into 'big town' today by driving the back routes, about 15 mins extra on the journey but at least would mean no fuming in jams and driving alone the radio (very crackly because there's no aerial!) informed me there was a jam in the town due to an accident so an additional 10 mins on the journey. I could have driven to Peterborough in the time it took me to get to Grimsby!
Left the car with a note about the aerial and I'd pick it up at 2.30pm.
First job, 10.30 realised I hadn't eaten so bought a lemon cake off the home baked stall, took a chunk out and had with coffee. Gave rest of cake to neighbours. I keep doing that, stops me eating it!
Next job a piccie of the Mayor wearing Shades 'cool mayor' for national guide dog day (22 June, wear yer shades and donate!). Unfortunately they hadn't been able to provide a blind dog so I took a stuffed toy dog along with my sunglasses and mayor looks suitably cool.
Next job, art exhibition, offered a cup of tea and - a slice of cake - Thank youuuuuu.
I think I'm getting caked out!
Collect car.
We've cured the rattling window, FREE of charge!!!!
Well, it IS still under warranty, so?
We've put new wipers on.
Why? I replaced them last December.
Erm, because the rubber cracks.
But the rubber wasn't cracked
We DID give you a reduced cost service so the cost of the wipers doesn't really count!!!
Why? Why did you give me a reduced cost service?
Erm, because we like you!!!
But you've only met me twice!
About this aerial, you haven't fixed it.
Erm, we didn't have one in stock!
Why?
Erm, if we had one in stock of everything we'd need a HUGE warehouse!!!
It's only a skinny aerial.
I'll come out and look at it with you....Hmmmm, looks like you'll need a whole new seating for it!
Why?
Erm because.
How much?
About £80.
So that little tow rag who stole my aerial initally is giving me big time expense now!
And on the spelling of tow rag .... it is NOT toe rag.
It's like waving a red rag at a bull when I see toe rag.
It's not something that one wipes toes with, but worthless bits of short fibres, hence tow rag is worthless.
Just wanted to get that off my chest.
Why did I have it in mind that services were cheap??
I was thrilled to get back and find a parking place right opposite the parcel collection office where something is awaiting my signature.
I'd like to think it's something exciting but it's probably a pack of photographs too large for the letter box.
So I thought something had gone right today ... to find that the parcel office closed two hours earlier.
So Mrs Grumpy went home and finally caught up on her sleep after last night's flood fiasco .. I hear they also went through the electricity line, that must be why my phone woke me, bleeping and what the two bangs like rifle shots were, but I was past caring then.
I've had what feels like two really tishy days and I'm fed up.
Today's horoscope, read this evening said just that, that I was fed up and that I should go to the pub.
So I did and met a really night girl who's going to give me journo link and her mum's email!

Did I say I'd sleep at night?

Amazon were back to me quickly and I've authorised payment again, they only wanted the cost of the DVD and not the postage, so I got some discount for honesty! Watched the film last night with a girlfriend. We veered between fits of the giggles and exclamations of 'oh, yeukkk' and 'ouch!'. Interesting. At 1.30am, a fairly normal time for going to bed, I heard cars swishing through water but couldn't hear rain on the window. Peeking out there was a torrent of water rushing down my street and another cascading along the street parallel, together with flashing Anglian Water Van and police vehicle lights. A water main had burst ("a serious burst") in two places in the road. With people talking and then bringing in the road drills at 4.15 am I probably managed a couple of hours sleep before having to rise early to take my car for a service. No, I didn't rush out immediately and take a picture in the dark. Yes, I probably should have but I waited until the morning. Last time it happened a couple of years ago there was still a huge hole in the ground the following morning - and sure enough, there was. I've asked the garage to find an unscrewable, non-stealable aerial for the car! I've got 'legs on' today. Rarely wear skirts when I'm working and I'm working most days. Trousers are so much more practical and this hit home again today as I tried to shove pad and pen into pockets that I didn't have in my skirt. One of the jobs was my MP's wife at a coffee morning. A very chic French lady. She was kind enough to say I looked very nice. I looked like one of the Gazpacho dancers today ... hang on a mo ... Apache dancers!!!! Cor, nearly got in the soup there! V-neck white T, red skirt with a frill on the bottom - of the skirt, not mine - it wasn't a tutu!, and a little silk neck scarf, knotted. Yeah, looks quite good. But it still doesn't have any pockets!!! I drove all the back routes to take the car in this morning. Coming back I thought the traffic would be less heavy and thus risk the roadworks. Dang me ... they've finished and I could have arrived 20 mins earlier! Another job shortly, then return the car, collelct mine, faint at the cost of the aeriel repair ("Oh yes, they'll fix it if they have one! - It's a Toyota dealer for goodness sake, they're SUPPOSED to have one!) and then I think come back and zzzzzzzzzz for an hour. Maybe THEN I can do some sewing. the frock hasn't been touched since Monday! Looks like a last minute jobbie! Oh yes, I moaned at the Town Clerk and Mayor about my parking ticket today - I even remembered I paid £1 instead of 70p so reckon I deserved the additional 10 mins I was late. Ok, 1 hr is the max parking time in there but the machine's don't give change. I may stop wittering on about this if I pay the fine by card today and then it'll be off my mind. House insurance, car insurance, fine and accountant's bill to deal with. Except the account said I can split it into 3 payments. Just as well, the profit for that year, minus their bill was risible. The Mayor's Parlour and Town Clerk's Office are in the Town Hall, which building has lots of parking places allocated - except none for the Mayor or Town Clerk. The District Coucillors have parking permits though. Hmmm, I wonder who organises these things? I bought a lemon sponge cake at the Coffee morning. Looked delicious. I took a slice out to have with coffee (for breakfast!) but will give the rest away - would be too, too easy to wolf it down! I rarely make any profit from my 'fete' pictures because I always buy something. I get a little annoyed when I go to my far flung places and get mithered to buy raffle tickets though, cos if I did that all the time it'd hardly be worth even working. 'Sides, I'm rarely lucky on these things and I'm probably one of the few people that's only ever bought one lottery ticket! I don't trust to Lady Luck. I think we make our own! I think I need a new recipe for mine!

I just need a little rant

I wrote out my list of chores to nip around the town and fulfil after having a hair cut and off I dashed. I didn't dash fast enough and got back to the car park 10 mins after my time expired. I knew, I just knew I was going to get a parking fine today. Why the hell didn't I get back faster then?
It was just the right sort of time for it ... 4.27 (should have been back at 4.17) ... on a Thursday, half day closing, when the car park was half empty and no one was getting irate looking for a parking space so ideal time to go slap a £30 fine on my car! £30 ... this is Louth, not London!!!!
I even knew the guy, took his picture last week and paid him £1 for half a dozen eggs. He wants a worm farm and his local councillors are debating the issue cos one of 'em says it'll smell.
It's even worse when the warden is still in evidence cos it makes you think, "If he'd started on the OTHER side of the car park ..... "
I know it's his job but fer goodness sake.
How come they're never around when the car parks are full???
Ok, finished.
But I am woman so I haven't stopped thinking about it!
Translation for my transatlantics ........ car park = parking lot. I really could never bring myself to say that when I lived in the states. It just sounds weird with an English accent. You try it.

A stranger in these parts ...

Would you like a yum yum?
And I give you?
69.
OK, put it in a bag and here's your 69p
When did flat doughnuts become yum yums?

I was in the city again yesterday, Lincoln city. I managed not to drive on the wrong side of the road and even recognised where I was going from the reverse, as it were.

Drove behind a grain lorry for what seemed like miles and of course put my foot down a bit, having overtaken, to be met by oncoming cars flashing their lights. Speed trap. Thanks guys!


I'm going to put my bikini on shortly and do some sewing in the garden kiss two birds with one stone - or rather one look, they'll probably faint clean away when 'the body' appears.

I've a moral dilemma. I had ordered a film from Amazon which was 4 days past the due delivery date and I asked them to check up that it had, indeed, been sent.
The film,

The Realm of the Senses

is a classic, apparently 'spectaularly erotic film(The Los Angeles Times) film directed by Nagisa Oshima was banned for 20 years, made in '76 and based on a true story that happened in 1936 in Japan.
Anyway, Amazon automatically set a refund in action, which I didn't ask for and now the film has arrived!
Maybe I'll just tell 'em it's here and let them do what they have to do. That was quick action on their part though. 10/10 Amazon!

I need to find how to stop the link thingy putting in the bullet and new line!!! I'm working on it, I'm working on it!

Predictive Texting

Have you noticed what strange words come up using predictive texting on a mobile phone? Sometimes you don't actually get to the end of a word before the suggestion comes up. For instance, tongue = vomit, remiss = penis, dual - if you keep pushing the option button = **** and for sub you get pvc! Or is it just on MY phone?
Of course I use remiss in my conversations!

Rubber Gloves

Strange how you mention something you haven't thought of for a while and it keeps cropping up again, isn't it?
We did the last shot for the calendar last night - well, I have one more to do, guy on motorbike - not sure it wouldn't be sexier if he was wearing leathers though!!
However, last night's involved a hospital, scene since the charity is in aid of a CT Scanner and looking around for props I came across the box of surgical gloves.
My word, the boys' faces lit up when I 'snapped' 'em!
Someone asked what I was going to do with them. I mentioned the word 'proctologist' which produced a frown but a nurse burst out laughing!
I suggested someone blow a glove up - would have done it myself but didn't want to leave a ring of lipstick ;)

Grrrrr

Some time between 4.50pm and 7.20pm today, while I was prostrate upon my bed with a nasty ol' headache, someone added insult to injury and stole my new car aerial!!!!
Jeez, that's annoyed me!
Approaching my car I thought it looked different, then realised my aerial was missing again. I looked around at cars parked nearby to see if any were sporting a new aerial that looked like mine but found that two OTHERS also appeared to be denuded of aerials! How come that happens in broad daylight???
The cars are parked right opposite my house and had I been sitting here working I probably would have seen the culprits.
Got a service ... the car I mean! ... on Friday. I'll see if they can fit and super glue one! Actually someone did suggest using super glue but if the car wash managed to rip the last aerial out of its seating I'd be worried that next time it would rip off the whole roof and I'd find myself sitting in a convertible!

Sew-sew

I realised today that I can spin around in the frock I'd intended to wear to 'the MP's' do. Thought about having it altered but what if I put weight on again? Another one for the attic! Then set about searching the internet for petite sizes. I'm only 4' 11" and I'm petite petite, well, heightwise! Next idea was I'll make a frock! Don't be shocked, I'm quite talented, really! I've reupholstered a suite - twice, made curtains, bedspreads, a suit for 'da ex', the children's clothes when they were little, cut hair, painted, papered, cooked from scratch .. I should use all this on my dating profile, if no one wants me for my dappy sense of humour, at least they might need a general factotum?? Yes, a story is upcoming. I had a spate of sewing a few years ago, decided I wanted a posh Xmas frock that fitted properly and some little summer things for the holiday afterwards in Antigua. I sewed myself to a frazzle and my pinkies became quite rough from the constant digging of the needle into them .. hate using a thimble. Trying the outfit on and putting on my pantyhose, I created a pull in them. Since they cos twice as much as a pair of socks (oh yes, I've darned socks and turned collars and cuffs, too!) and last for about half a dozen wearings I was a little annoyed but had a jolly good idea. (I sound like that little guy in Black Adder!) I toodled off and bought a pack of surgical gloves and on Xmas day I wore a pair to don my tights and popped them in my handbag before we left for dinner at the posh hotel The Adolphus Hotel It was a fairly drawn out meal and nature called and I answered, taking my little gloves out of my bag to make sure I didn't ladder the tights. Got home having had a lovely day and then realised, with horror (horror seems to figure quite largely in my posts) that I'd left the surgical gloves in the stall of the ladies' loos. I wonder what the cleaner thought when she/he found them?

A-MAZE-ing

It had to be a headline of 'A-MAZE-ing. This private maze, of copper beech, planted in N. Lincs is larger than that at Hampton Court. It is about 8 feet high and just in need of a trim. I'm doing a follow through story on the maze, having taken photographs when it was bare, save for a few straggly copper leaves, in March, this picture last week and I shall go again in September - when the pumpkin patch alongside will be in full fruit, too!

On mazes,

Longleat House

home to the 7th Marquis of Bath has at least three mazes: a yew maze, a mirror maze and a wooden one designed by Blue Peter viewers. I rather fancy that the aerial shot of the maze wasn't taken by someone on top of a scaffold (SM!) In Saffron Walden, Essex, where I used to live there is a turf maze of medieval origin. I tend to think of it as a brick maze since that's what the paths are laid out in. The children never seemed to tired of racing around it!

Using your loaf

On my last job today, speaking to an acquaintance, he mentioned that he and his partner were going off on a cruise which took in, among other ports of call, Lisbon. It's their first cruise and to make it special he has ordered 'extra's' for his partner on a daily basis, champagne in bed, etc, sighhhhh. So it set me to thinking of warmer climes and time spent living in Portugal and I had a look through a few photographs. This one reminded me of something.
I had decided to start walking, daily, along a coastal path which had cars passing fairly frequently and depending on the time of day a number of walkers, too.
Houses petered out then there was an area of bushes, then just dunes, to the right, rocks and the sea to the left.
As I approached the bushy area one bright sunny morning, a guy suddenly walked out from behind a bush and exposed himself. To be honest, I didn't really look at the 'himself' bit, it was the lascivious look on his face which was scary!
I stood there shocked by the occurence more than anything. Then the man disappeared back into the bushes. I looked around me and saw two guys a little way behind and I asked if they spoke English. I explained what had happened and they said 'Ignore it!'
I asked if the guy exposed himself to THEM. "No, of course not!"
Ignore's all very easy for them to say.
I gave the walk a miss for a couple of days.
Naturally, on my next walk, I was wary as I approached the bush area. I could hear my heart beating in my ears as I stared ahead at the offending bush!
Before I even reached THAT bush the guy jumped out from another bush! I was so angry with him ... a little way off, across the road was a guy getting into his car. Pointing at the flasher but turning toward the car I yelled something or other but both the flasher and the driver ignored me. The flasher smiled and disappeared.
I thought something should be done so went down to the local police station, a small office in the town.
I explained to the policeman what had happened and described the guy, best I could.
"How tall was he?"
I stepped back to get the measure of the policeman, for comparison purposes and promptly fell out of the police station - maybe he didn't take me seriously?
The interview concluded with the policeman telling me to walk somewhere else.
Well, I'm a bit of a rottweiler at times and decided this was my walk and the flasher wasn't going to put me off it.
Gave it a few days again and off I went.
Approaching bushy area, now with my eye on TWO potential hiding places for the guy, of course he jumped out from behind a third bush.
This time I yelled at him: "Put that thing away, I don't want to see it."
Which he probably didn't understand. Well, he probably did, after all if I was red in the face with annoyance and shouting and not running toward him, I suspect he might have realised I wasn't asking for a closer view.
He disappeared and a couple of minutes later a police car drove by which I flagged down and explained what had happened.
They stopped near the bushes, looked out of the car window and drove on.
I decided to use my loaf.
Next morning I stopped my walk SHORT of the bushes and with a piece of chalk wrote on the pavement:
"Beware, man with penis in hand 100m ahead."
'Flasher' wasn't in my Portuguese dictionary.
I bought a bike and peddled like fury past the bushes in future.
A Portugese loaf

AT THE THIRD STROKE, THE TIME WILL BE: Chairman of Alford's Memorial Park Trust, Richard Quantrell considers it is time for an obelisk on the park's sun dial! Human sundial! 

And then ......Bless  

Here's one for ya pjaykc .... Aubrey William Henry Norton took Iris Helen Elizabeth to be his wedded wife on May 18 1940 and they are still together, 65 years later! 

Stormy weather, la la la la

This gap is beginning to annnnooyyyyy me!

m

After a frazzled day, yesterday, I decided to finish it off by finally getting around to potting the plants I bought earlier in the week. Snails had already been chewing on 'em. The sky looked a little overcast but I decided a little bit of water couldn't hurt. I bought some gardening gloves recently and put them on. They have rubber palms and felt quite uncomfortable, which they hadn't when I tried them on. Then I realised I'd put them on the wrong hands and my hands were looking like an upside down spider! I'd just had the idea to make holes in the hanging basket weavey stuff to pop some lobelia in for a more floral ball effect and was chopping away when there was a huge bolt of lightening! I threw the scissors indoors and went hurtling after them. My word, did it pour? The road was like a river. It's only a tiddy yard but will be much more pleasant to look out upon when in full flower. So this picture will be replicated, in a few weeks time so see what the snails have left! I caught two of the little beggars and took 'em for a ride on my trowel to sail down river! And I left some pretty little blue pellets for any of their cousins to dine on. I went back out to finish the planting and got absolutely sodden so was sitting in the bath, warming up at 9.30pm. I love that tip about digging your nails into a bar of soap to keep soil out. I just don't like the feel of the soap beneath my nails! I gave up on the gloves so best keep my hands in my pockets today. Oh, there's an open garden this afternoon to photograph. Maybe I'll see if there are any nice plants for sale cheap! I mean, I only fed the snail £15 worth a couple of weeks ago! Wonderlust Jeanne bonged me this morning. She was in Shanghai (ni hao) having just had a meal with a Chinese family, part of the tour itinerary. I was once thinking about doing some business in China and bought a book and tape to learn Chinese. It looked a very interesting language but all I managed for the initial meeting were 'hello' (ni hao - knee how) and 'thank you' (tse tse - but not like the fly). Also read all the do's and don'ts and it's frightening the things you could do wrong. For instance, NEVER leave your chopsticks standing up in the rice bowl. It reminds of incense sticks and death. And don't eat before being invited to a business meal because there's about a million courses! However, there's no taboo against being a noisy eater and it's OK to talk through a mouthful of food, slurp your soup, belch, cough, hiccup or sneeze. The latter is probably best done if your mouth isn't full of rice though, or else people mail think they've been hit by hailstones! I've added a counter to the site. No idea how many people had taken a peek up until now but I started it at 100. I'm going to edit this sentence out if it doesn't get beyond 110 by next week! My diary looks a mess so I thought I'd use the calendar available in hotmail to put some order to it. However, it only goes from 9am to 5pm (so far as I can make out). That's a bit silly! I've actually got some pictures to order and I feel a little guilty sitting here having fun but tomorrow is going to be 9am til 8pm taking pix, zipping about and include 3 of the calendar shots - almost finished them now but still have to get a guy naked on a motorbike, a classic car rally, cricket, wrestling and a presentation. I certainly can't say there's no variety in my life! Just need a touch of Garam masala. ....

Containers planted! I'm nothing if not inventive. The 'decking' is a pallet that was sitting outside a company with 'free to good home' sign on it, so I stuffed it in the back of my car. For the truckers out there amongst you, you might say I probably looked 10 pallets short of a load!